Alison Dyer & Islena Faircrest

Bill: Welcome everyone to another episode of the True You Podcast. I have a couple of my co-authors, Alison Dyer and Islena Faircrest with us today to talk about the parts Work guidebook, which has been released in the Kindle version as of this recording, and soon will be released in the paperback. And we just wanna talk about the writing of that book and how it relates to the true You for each of us. And I'm wondering, let's let, let's hear your voices so Islena, and just say hello to everybody

Islena: Hi, everyone. Good to be here.

Bill: and Alison.

Alison: Hi, so happy to be here. Excited to talk about the book with two of my co-writers.

Bill: And of course my co-host, Dr. Martin Kettelhut. Marty is, uh, gonna introduce the, the two of you. Marty, you wanna say hello to everybody?

Marty: I just noticed as they introduced them, they their voices. We have an alto and a soprano.

Islena: Yeah.

Bill: And what are you?

Marty: I'm a baritone.

Bill: and I used to be a tenor. I think I'm a baritone now too.

Marty: Beautiful barber qua.

Islena: We do. That's awesome.

Bill: I don't think we're gonna sing to the audience however.

Alison: let's not.

Marty: Okay. Well, I would love to introduce, um, our two guests to the audience. Islena Faircrest is an IFS trained practitioner specializing in somatic IFS and relational attachment based healing. When she's not momming with family and sandwich generation responsibilities, she loves teaching yoga on paddleboard, movement and nervous system healing. Quite a bio.

Bill: even stand on a paddleboard.

Alison: I can't either.

Marty: when he started doing yoga on a Boy, that's Allison is also a certified IFS practitioner. Her focus is on building relationships in our inner world so that we may have a positive impact on the outside world.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Marty: She's exploring the idea of connecting with the wisdom of our soul and our humanity. She loves learning and going deep into the world of imagination,

Bill: Welcome.

Alison: Yep.

Marty: who we've got as.

Bill: And welcome to both of you. So Marty, it occurs to me that it might be good to have you take the lead on, on this conversation and essentially interview us. Since the we, we represent 60% of the authorship of this new book called The Parts Work Guide.

Islena: Woo hoo.

Bill: Yeah, you got your copy too. And uh, yeah, we'd love to tell you all about what it, what, what we experienced as we were writing it over the course of the last 37 years,

Islena: I was, I was just gonna say it was like a four year pregnancy.

Bill: Uhhuh.

Marty: It started when you were all in high

Bill: That's right.

Islena: Yeah, that's right.

Marty: That's my first.

Islena: pregnancy on the face of the planet.

Marty: How did it get started? I mean, how did it come to, even start as a project for all of you?

Bill: Maybe that's a good question for Allison, since she was right there at the beginning with, with me. And then Eileena, you joined a a little bit after, or were you there at the, no, you weren't there right at the beginning. Okay.

Islena: at the beginning. Yeah.

Alison: Yeah, a, a great question. Well, it started because Bill and I and Ilena, we also, um, we run a group called Part Sort Practice, which is why the book was written. It's exercises that the. Does. We started using the workbook by Bonnie Wise with her permission, and over time we realized that we're actually spending a lot of time kind of reformulating the exercises to fit our particular group. one of our writers, Noga, I think she kind of said it in jest even, she says, Hey, why don't we write our own book? We're all like, yes, that's a great idea. Let's write our own book. I was thinking, yeah, a year Tops will be done. So, um, we started writing it. We had different writers at the time. We had like a project manager. She was with us for a while. We had a couple other writers who were part of the team and. was just not coalescing very well. And so, uh, bill and I decided we're just gonna kind of go off on a different direction. Some of the writers stayed with us, some of them dropped away. Elina joined us then later.

Islena: Mm-hmm.

Alison: as you have heard, the longest pregnancy ever. Um, we are at the finished product, um, and it was at least four years writing. Bill and I would sometimes meet, um, on a Thursday. We would do some just. Basic outline type writing, take it back to the, all the other writers, they would edit it. We would have a great conversation and then we kind of did, wrote the book that way for the most part. Um,

Marty: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Alison: did I answer that enough? Well enough. Bill, you,

Bill: I think so. Yeah. Yeah. We, uh, we thought it was a great idea and, and.

Alison: We did.

Bill: I still think it was a great idea. Uh, we started out with one approach. We thought, wouldn't it be great if we had someone to help us kind of organize the work? So we asked Kathleen Hoag, I believe is her last name, to help us, and, and she, she kind of specialized in that, in her career, I believe she was retired by then and, and just was a project manager and helped us to organize and, and create a project. And she did a beautiful job. However months went by and we really hadn't written anything yet.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Bill: we were very busy preparing. Um, and at one point during, during, uh, one of our meetings, uh, Kathleen's, one of us was complaining about how tedious it was to do all the setup to, to be, to, to get ready to write this book together. And Kathleen's response was, well, if you think this has been hard, wait till you start writing.

Alison: I

Bill: Do you remember that?

Alison: I remember your face. I thought your head was gonna explode and.

Bill: Yeah. Yeah. Well, it felt like my head was gonna explode and, and I think I, I don't think I even hesitated. I just said, well, then I'm done.

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Bill: Um, and that was, that's nothing against Kathleen. She did, she did what we asked her to do and she did an amazing job with it. But I had nothing left in me. So this is probably. Maybe not the first time that parts had gotten activated around the whole process. My parts had been getting impatient and frustrated for probably weeks prior to this experience, so that a very dominant, angry, frustrated, impatient part kind of just jumped out of me and said, that's it. I'm done. And I was serious and all my parts agreed at that point.

Islena: Yeah. No, that, that's such a great, um, of segue or trailhead, uh, to what the book gave us as a process, as a writing team Bill. Thanks for sharing that. 'cause I'll just, I did come into the project about a year in, so I missed the initial phase of what Allison and Bill are talking about. I actually believe I. I came in as Kathleen was transitioning out. 'cause I do remember a couple meetings around

Bill: Oh, okay.

Islena: And so that's And I do remember you discussing Bill, how like, oh, this is, like, this feels real for me. The doneness

Bill: Mm-hmm.

Islena: And just like the, the amount of energy required for preparation. And I'll just kind of briefly describe kind of an overview experience of the remaining years of writing the book. In our, in our. Uh, of five. I don't, is that, is that a Quadra group? I don't know. That's a, I don't know. What's a

Bill: But.

Islena: group? Quinta Group, thank you. What's a five-sided Yeah. Shape. Um, is that noticed that it brought forward all of our kind of, um, coping strategies and managers from our, um, f. Uh, childhoods, family of origin, environment, and that now I can look back and see. Wow, that's fascinating how as a group we came together because the work required such depth for us to do together,

Alison: Mm.

Islena: like we recreated in some ways, um, the energetic environment of our family of origin. And so the triggers that we experienced with each other because of these remembrances coming up and coming forward as we interacted with each other relationally creating the content, it's like the writing of the book allowed us to, um, re-experience and used the material to heal these younger parts and then use our younger parts. Well not use. I mean it in a negative way, but kind of like utilize what's the scaffolding in our system

Marty: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Islena: to the material for the book. So it was

Marty: So it's really interesting. Oh my gosh.

Islena: kinda

Marty: were there times where you actually, like, let's do the exercise that we wrote,

Alison: Oh yeah.

Bill: Yes, we did.

Alison: time. Mm-hmm.

Islena: time. I think almost every

Alison: Almost every single one. Yeah. And we have in the books, oh, go ahead, Marty.

Marty: that's a really, so I mean, in order, in, uh, in order not only to test the exercise, but to solve whatever conflicts were arising

Alison: Mm-hmm.

Marty: you.

Bill: That's right.

Alison: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Bill: Yeah.

Marty: So there might be people listening who are wondering what kind of the book is this that you could be writing and using it to write a team at the same time. So before I, I wanna hear more about the experience of writing it eventually, but the audience, what is a parts work practice book

Bill: Guidebook. Yeah. Yeah. So can I answer this one or would one of you like to. Okay. So, uh, as Alison was saying, Bonnie Weiss had written a, a workbook called the Self Therapy Workbook. Uh, with her husband, Jay early, who'd written the self therapy book, and it was all about IFS and it was a great, uh, tool I thought. And Allison agreed that to use in parts work practice, our free practice group that we offered starting back in January of 2021. And, uh, but we found that we were having to rewrite to, to reorganize the, the exercises that she had offered in, in her self therapy workbook. Uh, in order to present it in the parts work, practice, practice sessions.

Marty: therapy Bonnie Weiss wrote the Self Therapy Workbook, our book. Has 23. It ended up with 24 exercises in it. We used 23 of them in parts work, practice, and these exercises are all designed to help anybody, even if they don't know anything at all about IFS internal family systems to learn how to do parts work, how to, how to get into relationship with their parts.

Bill: How to notice the influence of their own parts. How to begin to separate from that influence and be an observer of it. How to begin to be in relationship with these different parts of themselves, and then how to thereby affect a change. And that change is, the goal isn't change. The goal is self-leadership. So I guess that's a change, which means that. We're gonna shift from being managed and controlled by our parts, and then trying to manage and control ourselves accordingly. We're gonna shift from that to a, uh, leading our lives from the essence of who we are, which IFS calls self. And this book is about how to do that. And, but someone that doesn't know anything about IFS starts at the beginning of the book and by the, by the time they finish Exercise 23, if they do all the exercises, they're gonna have a pretty good acuity around the IFS model and parts work. Plus, they'll have this huge shift in how they perceive themselves and how they interact with and relate to the rest of the world.

Marty: It's, it sounds like writing such a thing as like doing yoga on a paddle board, it's a, it's a double conundrum, like, oh my gosh. I'm just curious,

Marty: What sort of challenges did you have writing this book as a group? Do you wanna talk about how this was similar or different to the, the

Bill: Yeah. And that's what I was just commenting about that is that what I'm experiencing inside right now after frustrating the, the frustrating experience that we just now had is very similar to what I felt when, at times when we were trying to write the book with five authors.

Marty: And Eina said this is an example of, staying with sensation. So that feeling.

Islena: Yeah, when we had. Activations while we were writing the exercises together or editing them, it was often actually editing that could bring up activations as well, because five different nervous systems that come from five different families of origin and five different cultures have five different. Coping strategies and responses to the environment. So because of that, you're getting, um, different ways of problem solving, working together. And something occurred, like in this example, the tech challenge that could activate one of our five nervous systems or some of our five nervous systems, what would show up is our. Protectors, whether managers proactive or firefighters reactive. And so in these either proactive or reactive protectors were protecting vulnerable parts with within us that either felt not good enough or we were bad and wrong, working together with five different nervous systems, you know, it was like a process of like, how do these. Different styles work together and create content together and. It brought up our, our woundings 'cause there was often misunderstandings and we were all coming from places of good intent, like great care and great, uh, great care and good intent, and a desire to create something meaningful together. So we're all coming from great places, but as my dad used to say, growing up, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It was one of my favorites of his that, and I need that. Like I need a hole in the head. Thanks. Thanks, dad. That was a good old fashioned German pragmatism, right? But just like in this example of a tech challenge, it would bring up parts within us that, uh, like vulnerable parts, which are the exiles in, in IFS, that feel, oh, oh, I'm doing something bad or wrong, or I got it wrong, or I don't understand, or not good enough or unworthy. And then our protectors would come forward. To protect us if we were not able to kind of meet each other or see or really witness each other. So I think what we were able to do as a group is build self-awareness together as we came to learn and recognize each other's different learning styles, uh, work styles, expression and creativity styles, like, yeah, that's it in a nutshell for me. I don't know what you guys wanna add.

Bill: So Allison was the one that was struggling with the audio and we all were, were trying to help her. Of course.

Marty: Just

Bill: just now. So what, what was that like for you just now and how does that compare to what you experienced in the writing process? Allison?

Alison: You know, I was, that's a great follow up to this experience because what I noticed in me was a part of me that wanted to like. Disappear, go away. Like I'm the problem, I'm screwing up the time. Very mindful of bill's, timekeeper parts. I have my own timekeeper parts. I'm like, oh shoot, I'm messing up the podcast. So that was that part. My overriding activation was that feeling of, oh man, I'm in the way they're having to accommodate me, which is really uncomfortable for a lot of my parts. I also noticed some gratitude and surprise that. Um, since I was talking mostly to Bill, bill was like, we're not, no, because I, I offered, just go without me. Like, no, I'm just too much trouble, blah, blah, blah. And Bill's like, no. And I could see you guys are like, no. And I'm like, God damn. Oops, sorry. Like, but there was some appreciation underneath that though, and the message getting through, which for me was part of the repair process of this group is that. Everybody, whoever was act, the one that was causing activation or the people's response to it, at the end of the day, all those parts were really welcomed in this group. And that's something that in the midst of this particular activation, I could rest on that.

Marty: Mm-hmm.

Alison: could, I could let my parts do what they need. I still have parts that feel bad about it, but. You know, I'll deal with that. 'cause I didn't, anyway, I'm gonna ramble about that. what I'd like to say is, that's another part I get scattered inside when I'm activated. And so there's this part of me that's just still on that, you know, tense, um, energy.

Marty: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Alison: for sure. I'm still noticing that, Really a lot of gratitude that you guys all stuck with me. That's really important for my parts and my system. that wasn't my experience growing up. So I think that's a gift from this group. 'cause I know Bill and Eileen is so well, and I know that it's genuine and I could see Bill's stubbornness. It's like, no, you're not going away. Um, we're gonna fix it. Um, so, um, and I'm, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for that.

Marty: Thank you. Thank you. For that. Yeah. And for sticking with it in the face of, you know, the scramble that was going inside.

Alison: Yeah, because I don't and I lean in this, I don't, I don't do well with technology. When it doesn't go well, I get really frazzled.

Marty: Mm-hmm.

Alison: so, um, I was feeling that energy of just like, oh shit, I don't know what to do. Um, part of my wanting to run away. It's like, I don't know, I'll just leave.

Marty: And Bill, uh, um, what was the feeling you, you said, well, this felt a lot like when we were writing the book. What was that feeling

Bill: Yeah, and, and it is past tense. It is passed already and I think something that's noteworthy here is that there's a couple of things that bring about a return to, let's just say, regulation to the, to, to that inner calm. And that one for me, one of 'em is humor.

Islena: Mm-hmm.

Bill: had just said something about, thanks dad. Um,

Islena: Mm-hmm.

Bill: is another hole in the head is what your dad used to say. Well, my dad and I are Irish, and my dad would add something. He would say, all I need is another hole in my head. And so, so humor was something that we would use as we were writing the book to lift ourselves out of that tension that we were all experiencing in the way that each of us uniquely did. Um, often, for example, I was, I was often the one that was typing and sharing a screen as we were doing editing. And, uh, we might, we might have a sentence that we all had agreed that we could agree, we could, we could go ahead and accept this particular sentence instead of the one that we had just spent the last 30 minutes not liking very much. And, and I would, uh, I would type something on the screen as it knowing everybody's watching what I'm typing. And expecting me to type what we'd all agreed to, and I would type something completely different sometimes with profanity in it, and,

Islena: Lots of profanity.

Alison: Lots of profanity.

Bill: and that would just melt attention for me at least. And it felt like for the entire group as well.

Islena: Oh yeah. It was great.

Bill: And another thing that helped my system often would be to have any, any one of the other four authors step in with a calm presence despite whatever might have just happened where I was clipped and short in my, in my frust, and clearly showing my frustration and my impatience. A calm voice would come in and, and make a suggestion. Like, what if we just take a moment right now and what if we actually do this exercise? Somebody might say often that was Elina or Noga or Allison or Morgan. And just in a few minutes we, I would find myself back to regulation and, and instead of feeling shame for being impatient for which, which is was one of my go-tos and still can be, uh, I would just be. Grateful for the support and back into my own self energy again.

Islena: Yeah. Yeah.

Alison: Oh, I just, the humor piece of it is hugely important, but, but part of what brought me back in the whole fiasco with my earbuds was that conversation, I have a great py Hess who was barking and Bill saying some snarky thing about what to do with the EarPods. And my dog and Marty did a little bit and that was just, you know, I made a comment to my husband, yeah, he's afraid I'm coming back and forth. And he just kind of made a funny face like, yeah, I am those little. Touch points of, of humor, um, also are really, really helpful just to kind of get me out of that stress. Yeah.

Marty: Right, right, right.

Islena: Something I noticed in our rupture and repair process as a team writing the book together is that we became, um. Like a pseudo family pretty quick, uh, in the sense that we became quite intimate with each other's, uh, protector parts, whether managers were firefighters and shadow and shadow parts, which are often firefighter in nature. That kind of reactive, like subconscious reactive. so it felt like we got to do a, um. like a course in intimacy with each other. 'cause intimacy includes like, you know, the, the ruptures and the, and the shadow parts. And you know, like in, I like to use this example of, um, the seven year itch. Like it takes usually five to seven years in any relationship to get to know someone's shadow parts. That's. The first few years in most relationships or the honeymoon years, and then you think everything's great and hunky dory, and then you get to know all of the person that, uh, that you're in, you know, in a relationship with. But doing this writing and exercises, creating together. As a team, of, uh, turbo sped that relational process and we got to know each other's, um, shadow parts faster, you know, and I don't say shadow parts negatively. I just mean like those parts that we tend to hide, you know, from, from people until, until we're in intimate relationship with them and we can no longer hide them. Right? So I think is what was really cool about. For me, I'll just speak on, on, on my personal experience. I was like, oh, I'm so recognizing patterns of young in my family of origin coming forward quite faster than they would have in like my intimate relationships, right? With, with like my chosen partner or something like that. I was like, wow, they came forward much faster. Because we're also in a space, an intentionally created space to, to navigate that and use the exercises to

Bill: Yeah,

Islena: that. So that was cool for me.

Bill: really good points.

Marty: Very interesting to me. The, um, uh, how, how did you navigate, like you could have spent. Uh, enormous time. Just go, okay, let's just drop the book and spend time on this person or on this issue that we're having. How did you, how did you manage, you know, like doing en enough internal family systems work on yourself with getting the book itself produced?

Bill: Great question.

Islena: I can answer that partially, and then you guys can fill in the rest. Sort of like, from my experience, it felt like the exercises. Or, or, sorry, I'll start with like any activations we may have had became the work and then the work was able to hold our experience and then we could use our experience to enrich the exercises and the work. So it went back and forth like that For me, any.

Marty: Marvelous.

Alison: I also remember the times though where. We really had to, to face that head on because there's time, there's a part in our writing group that we were getting a lot of activation and we were spending a lot of time dealing with people. And so we, we decided as a group that we needed to write more of an agenda. We needed a little bit of an outline or a structure, and so we would spend a lot of time. Building that structure. And, and so we would say, okay, you have like a two minute check-in and or we have five minutes to work if someone needs support. But that's all, and, and, and trusting us to go outside of the group to, to get the support and help we need.

Marty: Mm-hmm.

Alison: time we really, really had to refine that It would change when we were writing. It changed when we were in the editing process. So I think that was part of what helped create the safety though, was the structure of that.

Marty: Mm-hmm.

Alison: we learned that we were, there was more of an onus on each individual writer to take care of their own parts. Knowing that. When they show up for this group, there's support for activation for sure, but we trusted everybody else to be able to tend to their own system, and that helped me and my caretaker part relax when I started to trust that I didn't, or that part of me didn't have to jump in the caretaker, be a therapist. that was part of our agreement, and having it as a written agreement was helpful for my system to stay boundaried. like to stay in my own lane. We were mindful of how. Activated we could get. So we're very intentional about creating exercises that would have, um, as much support for the participant, um, as we could. That was my takeaway. Okay.

Marty: That's great. Yeah. I'm sure that it, you know, made the book much better. I'm wondering how, how did it make you all better? Like, did, did it, did this accelerate your own personal development or did it slow it down or what?

Bill: Yeah, it, it certainly did for me. I mean, one of my favorite parts in my entire, entire internal world is my get or done part. This part has me so, so productive. But like any parts with good intentions. Um, that are, that are coming from burdened energy. So this get or done part is not always coming from burdened en energy. In fact, it's in the flow most of the time. But when someone steps in front of it, um, of this part and slows it down, it gets activated. Now it's responding from its burden and suddenly. I'm blended with this part, the get or done part that's responding from its burden and, and I no longer see the present moment as it is. I see it as it used to be or as, as this part was afraid it might be. what I learned was, uh, that I needed to slow down long enough to really get to know this part and understand what it's trying to accomplish for me. Sim, it's not simply, let's get a lot of stuff done. I wanted to know why, why is it so important to get so much done and to get it done now? And this one, one of the things I learned from this part about the part and the, and the dilemma that it's trying to resolve is that because there was never a true connection established at, at my early in my life, I didn't know what it felt like to actually be connected to another human being. What I did know was that, um, when I didn't feel loved and when I didn't, didn't feel connection, I could at least settle for crumbs, and those crumbs were approval, accolades, appreciation, respect. Uh, for what I could accomplish. And, and like Allison in my own way, I became a caretaker too. But, but the caretaker that I became was not loving and compassionate. The care caretaker that I became was impatient with those that were being victimized by the same people. I was trying to survive my parents and, and so I became very impatient with the very people I was trying to protect because they kept poking the bear. And that came up for me over and over and over and over in this writing process. So I would need to schedule, uh, one hour if FS sessions with my own therapist or practitioner so that I could work with these parts that came up, particularly this one, the get her Done part and the exiled parts that it was, that it was trying to manage and protect.

Islena: Hmm. I love that.

Marty: So having gone through that now, do you, do you find that, you know, when you're in get or done mode in other contexts that there's more

Bill: Absolutely. When I, when I feel that tension rising inside and a, and like a critical part comes up. That says here they go again causing problems. This other person over here that I've been trying to help, not only do they not notice and recognize and appreciate all the great things I'm doing for them standing in the way and poking the bear, so now deserve my wrath.

Islena: Danger, danger, poke, poke.

Bill: Yeah. Yeah. So now. I negotiated with this, with the, it's, it's really the get or done part that triggers the critical part that criticals the judge, that critic that, that that triggers the punisher. And if I can, if I can cut that whole process off at the, at early on where I begin to feel that tension from the get or done part and reminded. Connection First, we must have connection first. All of this getting done doesn't matter. If we're not connected, then the part says, oh yeah, thanks for the reminder, and, and, and I, I pause and, and get connected again.

Islena: Mm-hmm.

Marty: That's a great sort of like, one of the things I learned, summary. Um, I would love to ask both Allison and Eileen the same question. What, like what's a takeaway? What I learned about myself?

Marty: do you wanna go first? Allison?

Alison: Sure. I think my takeaway is my, the nice part I have and that part of me that feels like I have to be everybody's therapist and, um, that part really got activated a lot in various different, like Bills, activations, the Get Her Done part or other writers activations. I could feel that. It's like this forward, like, oh crap, I gotta go in there and fix it. I gotta make sure everybody's okay. I gotta, I gotta do something. and parallel to that caretaking in this group, I was in the thick of elder care. So I had, that part was hugely activated in two different spaces of my life. And the gift of this group and this community is that I was able to be with this nice part in a, in a setting that was safe. Enough for me to start trusting that other people really could take care of themselves. It really wasn't my job. And for me,

Marty: Mm-hmm.

Alison: the structure we had with our agendas and our agreement really helped me stay in my own lane, helped that part relax enough. Um, and I also got to practice what, when that part got activated. And Bill and I have, we're co co-founders of Parts Work Practice Group, and he and I have worked together for years now. He's been a huge help for my nice part. 'cause this get or done part gets activated by me or was quite a bit sometimes, and so I learned to be with my nice part and the fear that would come up when I would feel. Bill's anger. I could be with my nice part and really update her. It's like, well, bill can have that part of him. And I understood that part. So it was helpful for me to stay with compassion, but it also helped me to have compassion for my parts. that energy That get her done was familiar. That energy was familiar in my growing up family of origin. So it was a very familiar energy when it was directed at me and I had a whole slew of heart that knew what to do with That So. probably the most helpful relationship of them, because Bill and I also had two different groups.

Marty: Very good. It's probably seemed like compounding, but it, It also sounds like it was helpful in that sense that you could use what you were learning in both contexts.

Alison: it was helpful because I really did with a group at large, and there was a lot of breakdown I think that was the most helpful for me. When there was a breakdown in communication, whether it was Bill or anybody else,

Marty: Mm-hmm.

Islena: So I would say my experience in recognizing, uh, perhaps new aspects of my system that I had not recognized as well before what I learned the most about my system. By being a part of this project is my, um, mediator parts growing up and my appeasing people pleasing parts, and also my, um, avoidant attachment that when things got challenging or problematic, um, my, lone wolf. Part that, uh, cuts out and isolates could get activated not all the time, but sometimes there was some really, there was a couple specific incidents that, um, it showed up and I noticed my system retreat, isolate, unplug and, uh, go into avoidance. Um, so fortunately through IFS. The practice of IFS, I'm able to recognize this avoidance attachment within me and, literally utilize the exercises to reparent it. And so we did, as Allison says, we got really good at, at, um, contending to our own activated parts. And that came as part of the process, um, in writing the book together, is we did create more structure. Um. That structure uh, what otherwise could devolve into time lost on, um, doing parts work that would take away from us creating the content and writing the material and exercises for the book. So it was kind of this fine line between, know, supporting and nurturing any each other, but then also realizing, hey, we have an outcome, a desired outcome that we're creating together here. Um, so in a way it's kind of like we got to grow up together. Our, our young parts to grow up together 'cause they're attached to a project, uh, that there's a desired outcome and, and we have a responsibility towards. The project and to each other to complete it together. 'cause that's what we, that's what we intended with each other, right?

Marty: there's another whole book.

Islena: Yeah.

Bill: That's someone else will write.

Marty: I know we need to wrap up, but I, I wanna thank you all for the generosity and the creativity and that willingness to come together for a common purpose that it took to get this book out so that we, the rest of the world could, could the good work that, that you did and, um, and, um, become familiar with and friendly with and caring of all their parts. Thanks

Bill: Oh, you're welcome Marty. Maybe before we end, I'd like to 0.1 more thing out in the book, um, if I could, uh, I, Eileen got the idea halfway through the process. I think that, that maybe we should add some, when we tried this exercise. Prompts at the end, end of an exercise. And so I'd like to share one of those now. This is, uh, outta chapter five, exercise 15, and this exercise is called Self and Protectors. And, uh, the, the exercise is designed to help you understand, excuse me, help you develop a trust-based relationship between protectors and self. So, um, here's what Alison, excuse me. This is what Eileen wrote about our experience. The group noticed that their own individual parts get activated in, in, uh, in refining. This exercise together got activated and the beliefs of their burden parts depleted the collective energy to engage towards editing the exercise. Allison had parts activated by what felt to them was unimportant editing minutia when compared to what was happening in her own home country and the world post-election and, and, and a mid war pushing that were parts that held a lot of anger and wanted, wanted to lash out. That's usually what I did. That was one unique thing that now I'll continue. So Bill had enough. Capacity and in parentheses self-energy to measure his responses before they escaped From his exile part, he had parts that were extremely frustrated and impatient with the process. However, seeing Allison's frustration watching her face and hearing her hijacking parts, he relaxed his parts sufficiently to let her do the heavy lifting. In the moment, Morgan noticed a part that felt, it's always me that people get frustrated with, which is true. It is always her. That's not true. That was just to make you laugh, Morgan. Um, it's always me that, that, that people get frustrated with. So the part took it personally when others became frustrated. She also noticed a neurodiverse part that didn't understand some of the nuances in language that neurotypical people understand. This part helps Morgan by guessing at what's going on. That was by the way, very enlightening for me that that learning about neuro diversity in this way. And then finally Elina noticed that a defensive part got activated, which protects her I don't belong Exile part that you were just talking about. The belief this part holds had her system regressed to feeling like she was seven years old again, getting punished by a teacher. So I hope that you'll get the book, Harford Guidebook. I hope that it changes your life. 'cause if it does, that change will be lasting and sustainable. It's not something that you have to continue to remember how to do. Your system learns how to do it, and it does it for you just as automatically as it hijacks you now.

Marty: Awesome.

Bill: Thanks for joining us Eileena. Thanks for joining us, Allison, and thanks for hanging in there despite the technical difficulties.

Islena: Yeah.

Bill: and Marty, thanks for facilitating the conversation, all right, till next week. Thanks everybody. Bye.